If you had a terrible childhood, can you ever be a good parent?

I know there is that *chance* that you can be, but is it really likely? And even if you want kids, knowing that you'd be a bad parent, you shouldn't have them right? If you come from a terrible background, how can you change and be able to teach a child better than you were brought up. just asking, don't get angry with me please.If you had a terrible childhood, can you ever be a good parent?
YOu know something, i get what you are saying.. some people grow up with that and unconciencely end up doing the same exact thing that hurt them so much when they were growing up. I think is defenately their choice... you can grow up to be exactly what you hate.. because that's all you really know but on the other side.. you can grow up to be the best parent their is.





I give you a perfect example.. my grandfather used to come home and beat my grandma and just yelled at his kids and beat them as well if things were not done the way he expected them to be...and my dad being little and seeing that.. along with his little brothers.. they hated to see all that and they hated my grandpa... but check this out.. one of my uncles grew up to be exactly like my grandpa.. he doenst beat his kids but he doesn't care about them.. and so those girl are growing up with no love.. but my dad.. he hated that so much he grew up different.. yeah at first he used to beat my mom.. but it dawn on him that hey he is being just like what he hated.. so he stopped and did everything and anything he could for us.. his kids.. he always puts us fiorst before him and gave us everything we need and more.. even if he didnt have it..





I know this is kinda long but it's just to give you alittle of the two sides,, i myself have a daughter now and try really hard to NOT do what i hated about my parents.. but you know we all make mistakes as parents.. but we can change too. and also learn how to be a good parent even if you wqere brought up totally wrong.





Hope my answer clarifies your question a little.If you had a terrible childhood, can you ever be a good parent?
I think it will make you a better parent. Because you already know what can TRULY tramutise your child. Like I will not argue AT ALL in front of my son because it hurt me to much to see and hear my parents. and so on and so on.
You can be a better parent, just keep that in the back of your mind every day and you will be.


Do the exact opposite on everything bad that happened to you and you will be fine.
If you really want to be a parent, you want the best life for the child. I think it begins with the realization that the ';bad'; upbringing was not healthy or normal and as a parent you would want to educate yourself in good parenting. you've seen what bad parenting is. there are tons of books an free information on parenting. I think it begins with love. If you really want to be a parent, the immediate love you experience with a birth will drive you to nurture the best you can-that may mean taking the step of getting those resources and help from others.
Its all a choice to be a great parent, you can always blame your bad childhood and use it as an excuse to not better your own kids lives or to be a lazy parent (Ive seen this) but really...its a choice.


You could have been beaten and sent to school in rags, but as an adult your own kids could live in a 4000sq.ft home with a pool and where Tommy to school...its what you do with your life.
yes


if you had a horrible childhood and you decide to have children


just don't repeat the pattern....you can do everything for your children and love them and not make the same mistakes that were made when you were growing up
YES U CAN TEACH A CHILD WAT U NO NOW NOT HOW U WERE THOUGHT. BEING A BAD PARENT DOESN'T COME NATURALLY ITS SOMETHING PEOPLE CHOSE AND IF U ALREADY EXPERIENCED A BAD CHILD HOOD U SHOULD NO HOW TO PREVENT YOUR SELF FROM MAKING THOSE MISTAKES WITH YOUR OWN CHILD
In my experience, people that had bad parents ended up being really good parents. They've already learned the wrong way to go about things, so they made a conscious decision to treat their kids better than they were treated.





If you don't want kids, don't have them. But if you want kids and don't plan to have them just because you are just afraid of screwing them up...well, that's just silly. Most people have the exact same fear. Parenthood is just a big series of trial and error.
i know for a fact that when you had a terrible childhood you can be a good parent. You just have to try to be better then what your parents were to you. You have to let go of the past and move on. Create a better environment for the baby to grow up in. Be patient.
i believe you still can coz this time you would want that he grows up well without going through the things that you went through .... just be optimistic ... I know you can do it ....
yes, if you have kids you would have a good chance cause you know how it feel to have a bad childhood and if you lave your child you will do anything to not let you child go through what you have been through
Of course you can be a good parent even if you had a terrible childhood. Because you would not want your child to suffer like you did in your childhood. Why would anyone get angry with you!!!!!! I think you take too much notice on what you are told and you should use your own heart to make your own decisions in life. Hope this helps.


Regards Barb
yes, actually yes. you can be.





past is past. if you love your kids, then try to forget the past and focus on how you could provide them love and happiness that you didn't get from your parents.





it's so easy. kids are adorable and cute, i would tell you. you'll be even be inspired to work hard just for them.
Well....


If you had a wonderful childhood, can you ever be a bad parent?


YES, YES, YES.
yes, you can, you just have to remember they are not the ones who hurt you. you have to break the cycle. do our best to love them and make sure you are giving them the best you can. try your hardest
yes you can, just strive to be the opposite
i had a horrible childhood and i'm a great mom who isn't shy about saying it! i think i am a better mom because i went through stuff that taught me exactly what not to do.
The way I see it is like this, if you had a bad childhood, then you know exactly what not to do when you have a child. Many people see having a bad childhood as being a curse, when sometimes it can show you what you don't want to be like.
My mother was manic depressive who refused to take meds, she spent the first 16 years of my life verbally and emotionally abusing me, after that she just continuesly crtisized me which didn't matter any longer because I was no longer living under her roof. My father on the other hand was a violent alcoholic and left some rather nasty scars on the backs of my legs from his belt and did damge to the left side of my face involving the muscles and nerves of my left eye. I broke the cycle, I decided that IF I ever had children I would not parent the same as mine did me. I never hit my daughter, I tried very hard not to belittle or verbally abuse her. I did not emotionally abuse her..that I know of. She is now 21 years of age. Carries a 4.0 GPA in college, is a respectful and respected member of society. She is part of the student goverment in her college and has been often asked to run for student government president, which she refuses. She has also been courted by the city council to take over a vacated position but declined it as she is not interested in a life of politics. I must have done something right. How can it be done? By setting one's goals to getting it done and not backing down.
I would suggest that you follow your heart. If you think you should not be a parent, I would go with those feelings. If you beleive you will be able to put your child first no matter what, then you have will what it takes.


Whatever you decide, just remember what the MOST important thing about being a good parent is...It is just like the beatles said....';All you need is love!'; :o)