I myself was pregnant at 17 and had my daughter just before I turned 18. I got a few looks, but hey they don't know you or where you came from. For all they know you're parenting skills and baby knowledge could be ten times what theirs is. Take care of your child and don't worry about what other people do or say. They for one are mad that their bodies didn't bounce back as quick as it does when your younger and for two they think that we are inexperienced. I am now 21 and people that know me tell me that no matter what my age is they can see that I am one of the best mothers that they know. My child is happy and healthy and that's all that matters.Why do some older parents look at being a young parent as a bad thing?
I think most people simply have preconceived ideas of who 18 years old are-- irresponsible or not ready.
You dont have to be 18 to be 'snubbed' -- plenty act like that towards anyone who's not married when they have a kid.
People just see you and assume it was an accident and you were careless or not prepared for a child. Keep your chin up! Pretty soon your wee one will be a little older and she and all her friends will love you cus you'll be the cool mom and not the old fuddy duddy one. :-D
older parents think that having kids young is so bad because. In the old times that didn't do that. the oldest they had kids was 29. thing will by okey my brother went through the same thing
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the same reason some people look at older older, talking in their 40's, new parents as being a bad thing. Because no one knows how to mind their own business. I had my first at 18, I don;t remember the looks and such, but I was truly not interested in moronic judgmental idiots anyways. Good luck and Congratulations!
It's simply because of how society views this kind of situation. They had not been able to accept the idea that the youth of today is more mature than the youth of yesterday. What was considered as a scandal in the fifties/sixties/seventies is now an accepted everyday occurence.
I'm no parent, but I am an observer. For me, having a friend who is now a parent hadn't made much of a difference in how I view it. My parents viewed the whole thing at an entirely different perspective. They think my friend wasted her life by having a baby too soon. But I think having a baby forced her to grow up. It's not that I think what she did was wrong, I actually thought it was pretty admirable that she had chosen to go through with the pregnancy and not resort to abortion. If there's anything that saddened me about the whole thing was that she wasn't prepared for the responsibility. Physically yes, she's prepared, emotionally and psychologically, no, she wasn't. (She's actually a bit older than you).
From what I can see though, you're prepared psychologically, and emotionally for the responsibility you are now facing. And because people don't know your capability and your commitment to pursuing a family with your husband-to-be at such a young age (barely out-of-school age as our parents seem to think), you will be in the receiving end of the stigma. If you look around you, you see other youths going through the same thing, but with an obvious reluctance, thus reflecting badly on all who became young mothers by choice. That's the difference between you and some of the teenage mothers around, you became a mother by choice and be proud of it. Prove to all your detractors that this was no accident. That this isn't something you did not wish for with all of your heart. And know that you are admired by people like me who values integrity, a sense of responsibility, commitment, and courage to face the world with your head held high.
Some people might think you're a **** or something but maybe the main reason is, Your youth is gone. You had so much more time to get out there but now you have to devot your time to your child. You shouldn't be that surprised that people might think of you differently. When you say 'older parents' it's not 'older' it's more of the ';usual';. To me older is 50 and up.
Many think that the young are naive, and immature. but i believe that people that are ready (you you stated you are) married, and want kids, then I'm delighted that they have kids! those who have kids young with no father that are naive and immature are the ones that give us a bad name. congrats :)
Because they are clueless, it's that simple.
Just let their nasty looks rol off your shoulders, or, if you feel really mean, shoot them back, and bend over to give your baby a kiss.
You are doing a really great job, don't let others put you down!
It's unusual when someone finds their soulmate, and even more when its someone youre age. Now days people are waiting until their 30s to get married and start having children. Its not bad that youre that young having a child, its just suprising to find someone so lucky to be able to start their future so young. Good luck to you, and congrats!
This is a VERY true statement. However, I found more snide remarks and comments for having a child out of wedlock. My first husband and I were BOTH 17 when my first child was born. We both graduated H.S. and married. I felt this overwhelming NEED to keep striving harder and to give my daughter the world. Thus, I joined the Navy in order to better everything. Needless to say, I was 25 with 3rd child and 3rd husband. Now I am going through a nasty divorce with someone who only cares about $$. I am 32 now and I feel like I was a much better parent at 17 than I am now. In addition, when I went through Nursing School, teen-age mothers were bashed and it was very offensive to me. However, statistics show certain ';behavior'; patterns. Ironically, when I sought treatment for Anxiety, I found that the Dr. tries to ';stereotype'; you as well for treatment. Having a 'degree' and an honor student, it never dawned on him that I was a teen-age mother until year later. It threw him slightly off track. We all are human and you can be a ';GOOD' or ';BAD'; mother at any age. Let all that you do be for the best for the baby and of course yourself!
I think it's because they regret waiting so long.
I had all 3 of my kids by 22, and now--- in my forties--- I'd NEVER have the kind of energy it took to chase after those boys!
They're probably jealous that you are energetic. Just ignore them.
As common as teen mothers are, they are rare individuals in our communities and do attract undue attention as people imagine what that must be like or if it was their daughter in that situation.
I am an older parent and I am so glad that I am. I got to really enjoy every second of my 20s and live for myself. I got to travel and date and live alone. Live alone - that's the important one. I don't think I could have coped as a young mother - I don't think I would have had the patience and I think I would have resented not getting a chance to live for myself after 19 years of living under someone else's roof.
Having said that, my mother was almost 16 when she had me and my twin sister. That's right folks - 2 babies attending her sweet 16 and a third before she was 20 and then divorced at 22 and raised us largely alone. It boggles my mind, frankly and I was there.
My mom and I are devoted friends and have been all our lives. The small age difference between us has been a total blessing and now she is young enough to enjoy her grandchildren, even though I waited until I was 33 to become a mother - more than double the age she did. My mother has told me that the relationship that we have shared has made all the crap she had to put up with in her life worthwhile.
We live just a few doors away from each other and I am very grateful that she did have me so early in her life. By now I am her oldest and dearest friend - it's a perspective that few mother/daughter relationships get to share. Don't pay any attention to what others say and do. Go girl, go!
Peace!
My wife and I waited till we were married to have our first child. Shortly after we were married, we found out we were going to have a baby. My wife was 20, i was 19.
To this day, we have issues with my wife's family because we started off so ';young'; yet having our children are the best thing for us.
I spent alot of time doing research and realized a few things that stood out in our situation. Her family came from a somewhat good background but her mother had alot of issues with her ';adult'; life. Multiple Divorce's, and spouce abuse... She also lost one of her children in a car wreck.
From what we are able to pull together, her mom has issues with us being parrents at such a young age because we are doing something she could never do. She did not have a choice, she was forced into it. My wife and I have a wonderful relationship and a very strong family. We live for our children and that is what makes life so special to us.
hope some of that helps?
because they are mean and stupid and they think they know everything it's great that i was a young mom too and i was raise in a family of 165 cousins and i had tons of experience and i always showed up those busy bodies. keep up the good work
i had my daughter aged 17. she's 13 years old now the same thing happened to me when she was a baby i would not let it bother you hold you head high i did. things will change all i get now is people thinking my daughter is my sister lol i also have a baby he's 10 months old everyone thinks he's my 1st they get a shock when i tell them age of my daughter
Older parents look down at younger parents for several reasons. One reason is because there are some young mothers are irresponsible and don't properly take care of their children but you can say that of mothers of any age. Some women who wait to have children until they are older look back at their younger days and think that since they weren't ready to be mothers when they were younger that nobody else possibly could. They also might be jealous and some older mothers might think that younger mothers make them look older when they are compared to them.
i dont know i can't really feel how you feel but my mom is 53 and im 11 my brother is 31 and when im with him everyone says is that your dad or how old were when you had her my mom frown upon young moms i feel sorry for you
I read through everything you wrote, and I think it is safe to say that you are very mature for your age - you aer the exception to the general rule.
Most people your age are not mature, not responsible enough to care for a child, have no money or job prospects, and, like you said, just ';looking to get in someone's pants';. Would you want someone like that to have a baby? I don't think so. When people see you, all they see is your age - they have no way of knowing that you are capable of providing a stable and healthy environment for your baby. So they judge you based on the average 18 year old, and come to the conclusion that it is a bad thing.
Yes, they shouldn't be so quick to judge - I am not defending their opinion, just explaining it.
Well, sometimes older people are more wiser and think things sometimes better than younger people. My younger sister does things without thinking and one day we hope that she will think of the consequences before she acts. But it is not a bad thing having a baby at a young age, if the parents that have it are responsible. By taking action on taking care of there baby, giving the baby lots of love. Some people just bring babies to the world and don't even take care of them how they are supposed to. I am glad to hear that your baby changed your life in a good way...you are going to be a great mother...and don't worry about what people think...cause people just want to critize! You take care and keep your head up high!
Having a baby is a blessing at any age, as you well know. Older people look at the responsibilities attached to child rearing, and understand that raising a child makes college, or working that much more difficult for a young parent. Ideally a couple is financially stable when they start a family and decide to have children, usually that means after college. Reality sometimes trumps ideals and we deal with life as best we can. Congratulations on your baby and best of luck.
The same reason stay-at-home moms and work outside the home moms get so hateful toward one another's decisions...people pass judgement, especially against what they DIDN'T chose for themselves, a lot of time it makes them feel better about their own decision if they can 'look' down on someone elses....
I consider myself a young mom and I had my first at 26. I was always the youngest women in the doctors office. I think that a girl still in her teens should wait before CHOOSING to start a family. I don't believe that she will necessarily be a bad mother because of her age. I do think that she has ALLOT of living left to do before making the life altering, PERMANENT choice of marriage and children. At even 20 years old, although mature enough to have true love and bare children, who you are is still forming. The man you love at 20 may not be the man you will love at even 25. Learning to support yourself, live alone, and live a life of Independence is so important to making you a whole person. I fear that a young woman of 18 is looking for a man and a baby to make her whole, when you should make YOURSELF whole first, then you can be in an equal marriage and a better parent who knows her self worth. And lets not forget the financial burden of raising children, which at 18, unless you have a nice trust-fund, you cannot earn what it takes to make a family thrive.
you r a good mother and be proud of it old people r just set in there ways. when someone looks at u and makes u feel like this ask them if they would like to see ur beautiful daughter that god allowed u to have because when it comes down to it u would not have he if god did not let u create her good luck
First off, congrats on your baby! Secondly, I have the same problem. I'm 21 and had my first baby 9 weeks ago. I get rude comments all the time; mostly people trying to give me ';advice'; about the simplest things on how to take care of my baby as if being young automaticly makes you stupid or something. I say its nobodys bussiness what you do when. I mean you're 18, not 12! You're an adult by every right, and in most countries, and in the US just 6 decades ago, most girls had 2 or 3 kids by 18! I think having kids at a young age, like God intended, is better. Babies born to younger parents have a less percentage of birth defects, we have more energy to care for and play with our kids, and we'll be more likely to live to see our children grow up. There's nothing wrong with people waiting until they're a little older for kids ( my mom was 30 when she had me, her only child) but thats their choice just the same as having your daughter at 18 is yours. Good luck!
I dont understand either. I think it is ironic too, because most the older people that look at you like this were probably married at 18 and had kids by 19. I am very happy for you and wish you luck with your family!!
Speaking as an older parent (I was nearly 38 when I had my first child), I hope that I don't give bad ';looks'; to teen parents. The only thing I think of when I see young people with babies is that it seems like ';babies are having babies';. Young parents haven't had a chance to have their own lives before they bring another life into the world. Some young parents even seem to think that having a child will solve their problems. I did feel a little weird when you said that ';ever since she was born you were less depressed than before'; Hopefully she wasnt' brought into your life to ';cure '; your depression. I think that is probably what older people may be thinking when they see young parents. Unfortunately, some of them don't have the common sense and good manners to mind their own business and hide thier feelings a little better.
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